TWO

I guess this isn't my usual post because I'm not really angry.

Okay, that's not true. I'm always angry about something. Like Lynne Cheney on the "Today Show" pimping heart defibrillators (yes, I do see the irony). Or the fact that Obama won't quit acting like a weak and pathetic Democrat, and push through some real, down and dirty socialized healthcare plan already. Or the idea that millions of kids are going to spend the summer slurping corn syrup-laced "sports" drinks and eating soy and corn syrupy snacks, more commonly known as Doritos. And Oreos. And Fruit Roll-Ups. And Cheeze-Its. And if they do actually eat a piece of fruit, it probably comes from another country, used up a whole bunch o'carbon to get to their lunch bag, and is so juiced with pesticides that it turns their little innards neon green.

But now I'm going to focus on the positive, which is, as always, my baby!

My baby turned two yesterday. I can't actually believe it. It seems like yesterday when my midwife told me I'd need a cesarean . . . when Ruby's daddy and I hit up Tasty Top for a little soft serve the night before she was born . . . when I was so delirious with sleep deprivation that I thought I'd never function as a mama.

But now my tiny baby is a big, bad two-year-old! ("Bad" in the Michael Jackson sense . . . well, not the current Michael Jackson. The old one. Pre-whitening cream and indictments).

Yesterday, we took Ruby to a butterfly museum (or as I like to call it, "The Most Depressing Place on Earth") and she chased around these little quail, exclaiming so sincerely, "I want her! I want her!"

There was a fish pond full of koi, or as Ruby liked to call them, "The biggest fish I ever seen!"

A huge butterfly landed on her dad's hand and Ruby was more impressed with the butterfly admission stamp underneath the real live thing. What? She's unpredictable.

Over the weekend, we had a couple of people over for her birthday and when I was cleaning up, she ran up behind me, grasped both of my legs in a tight hug and said, "Thank you so much for the presents, Mama."

I am the luckiest mama. I have the sweetest girl!

I'm welling up. I'm always welling up.

I LOVE YOU BABY! Happy 2nd Birthday and many, many, many (at least 100) more!

love, Mama xoxoxo

H8

Is it just me or do bad things seem to come in eights these days? TheOcto-Mom controversy, the latest "Jon & Kate + 8" tabloid crazy, and of course, Prop-effing-8!

I think it goes without saying that the California Supreme Court decision to uphold Proposition 8 was a bad judicial decision and, more than that, codified discrimination in the state constitution.

But the Right is always so much better than the Left on spin. Less and less do we hear about "protecting traditional marriage" and more and more, anti-equal marriage activists proclaim that the will of the people - that is, the people who voted to invalidate gay marriage - must be affirmed. In other words, Californians voted last year to amend the constitution to redefine marriage as the union between one dude and one broad and deny gay couples the right to marry, and the act of voting is sacred (see the way conservatives have framed the EFCA debate), so it must be upheld.

Yet very few people on the Left have pointed out that the people who voted yes on Prop 8 are homophobic idiots. Instead there are claims that the Mormon Church and conservatives ran such a well-funded and rabid campaign that the poor, foolish voters of California fell into their trap. Puuuuhhlease. There are lots of victims out there, but the Left loves to fetishize victimhood and turn adults who make dumb, bad, racist, homophobic, sexist decisions into pawns in a game played by two opposing political positions. Of course, to some extent, it's true. Big money and advertising work on voters (because so many voters are dumb) and the Yes on 8 campaign worked on many California voters (because so many voters are dumb and homophobic). But perhaps the No on 8 campaign would have been more successful had it raised more money and done better organizing. Just a thought.

And when did the concept and act of voting become so process-focused and detached from the results? I've never understood this position. Voting in and of itself is not good. When voters do bad things, like invalidate a minority group's (icky phrase. sorry) rights, that's not democratic action. It's just the opposite. When I see some old guy at the polls wearing an "I Voted!" sticker and carrying a handmade sign of a fetus kissing Jesus and holding a rosary or something, I don't think, "What a wonderful world full of diverse opinion! America is a rainbow!" I think, if only someone had knocked this guy down and broken his hip on the way to the polls, we'd all be better off.

So listen up you brilliant Californians: the next time gay marriage is on the ballot, it's your duty to knock over a few homophobes on the way to the polls!

Parenting Advice, Complete with the Barnes & Noble Guarantee

My baby is turning two next month and it's getting time to wean. I'm not ready to put breastfeeding in the past because of some arbitrary deadline, but because there's nothing like a semi-sleeping baby kneading your belly fat to make you want to take up binge drinking! In short, it's getting annoying. Not always, but sometimes. And the nursing can go on for hours, especially at night or early in the morning. She's not sleeping very well, I'm not sleeping very well, and when I do, visions of bras without snap-openings are dancing in my head.

So it's time to start the ball rolling in the direction of weaning.

But the thing is, despite my utter failure to nurse my baby into early adolescence (see Norma Jane Bumgarner's Mothering Your Nursing Toddler if you want to know how having a career and weaning your baby are the surest ways to leave her feeling neglected), I want to be very careful not to make her feel rejected or abandoned. I'm not going to start shouting at her to be a "big girl" or that nursing is for babies. I'm not going to hang a "Closed for Business" sign over my chest and let her cry it out. So, as with other things, I thought it would be useful to get a book about weaning geared to children her age to help her understand the concept.

Like this one for bottle-fed babies:

Thing is, finding a weaning book for toddlers is next to impossible. So when we were near a Barnes & Noble on Friday, I thought, why not check. And while FD & Ruby were reading books, I asked a salesperson in the kids' book section about such a book. After a few minutes of perusing the shelves and checking the computer, she told me they didn't have anything in stock.

Then she told me this:

"I think that once a child can go outside and play and then come in and ask for it [nursing], they're ready to stop."

Wha?

Unsolicited parenting advice from bottle-feeding, anti-sling, pro-cry-it-out, anti-feminist, pro-yelling parents generally pisses me off, but when a broad at a bookstore tells me to quit nursing my kid, I see red (and not just the lipstick on her teeth).

Unfortunately, there's not a great ending to this story. I didn't pull some sweet Billy Blank Tae Bo moves on her, or give her a verbal dressing down. I didn't talk to her supervisor (blasted union background!) or even reply with the classic, "Old bag!" Instead, I think I breathed out a long "Uhhhhhhhhhh . . . yeah . . . ?"

Then she told me how, when she had her son many moons ago, she couldn't nurse him because she had no milk and he was "just fine!" Part of me thought she was making stuff up (and that her kid probably had a limp and a tick at least!), but the other part of me felt badly for her, and decided that maybe the reason she thought it was appropriate to suggest my kid's too old to wean is because she never had the chance to nurse her own baby, which I imagine is rather difficult if it's something a woman wants to do.

In other words, maybe this woman's lack of choices made her feel powerless and the only way she can deal with that powerlessness is to criticize other women's choices.

Fine, I'm a little bit of a sucker. But now I feel prepared for the next time someone decides to give me BS tips on raising my baby. I just have to practice: Old bag!

Back by Popular Demand (sort of)!

Here's a job posting FD suggested might be right up my alley:

We are looking for a female to cook hamburgs ($2) and hotdogs ($1)on our outdoor grill . This will be once a week on Wednesday's from 5-8pm. You will be working for $3 an hr plus tips. Starting June 17th, every Wednesday throughout the summer we will be hosting a Bike Night in our parking lot. Looks and personality will go a long way As the night becomes popular your tips will grow. Could be a good way to make a little extra cash. If interested call me at 413-586-3315 to schedule an interview Bill

I couldn't resist emailing this Bill fool:
This ad is offensive, sexist, and discriminatory. And wow, $3/hour...that's a living wage around here, right? Cook your own goddamned hamburgers.

If you have any thoughts, you can email Bill too: job-g7hpn-1168900605@craigslist.org or just give him a call at the number above.

Douche.

Oh, Hey

This just made my day.

I'm not sure if that kid on the right is comfortable revisiting the birthing experience though. . .

Where's My Bat?

Alright, in the interest of full disclosure, I woke up on the cranky-ass side of the bed. And now I'm on a half-caf high (birthing a child has left me unable to consume fully caffeinated beverages. Blast!).

But now I'm just pissed. Because of this. And this. Oh, and this.

If you're too lazy, ahem, busy, to click on these links, I'll fill you in on what a six-month jail sentence, the Arizona fucking House of Representatives, and Dora the Explorer have in common: they are all pissing me off!

Some scumbag, let's call him Michael Philbin, son of a Green Bay Packers coach (I know, it's a real shocker), was kinda convicted on two counts of rape. At a single party (wow, a rapist with a real work ethic!). What does he get? Six months in prison and the chance to petition the court to remove the convictions from his record. Oh, and he doesn't have to register as a sex offender because the judge thinks that's overkill.

Then the Arizona House passed a bill requiring women who choose abortion to have a 24-hour waiting period and be subjected to "information" about the fetus' physical characteristics at that stage of pregnancy. Hmmm . . . You know what doesn't have a 24-hour waiting period so an individual can reflect and consider his actions? Rape.

And then there's this "Dora the Explorer" fiasco. As I mentioned earlier, Mattel is debuting an older, sexier Dora in the fall. Her image has finally been released and - surprise, surprise - she's got highlights! And nice slender legs. And a ladylike way about her. She loves to shop too! She's the perfect replacement for solid, adventurous, black-haired Dora because she was just too smart and too, you know, ethnic.

Women will never get ahead in this country by passing the occasional anti-discrimination bill or giving money to politicians who claim to care about their interests. We'll never see a nation that values women and girls and their contributions and talents and capacities with a Women's Equality Day or a two-week paid maternity leave. No, I've always believed that the only way women will access all of our rights is by taking them; by coming together and committing direct actions that challenge - and ultimately defeat - the powers of capitalism and patriarchy that are keeping us down (whew, who's this misty-eyed "idealist?"). And my own fantasy direct action involves breakin' stuff up and burnin' stuff down.*

And so, as I am reminded on this crisp Tuesday morning that the courts don't consider rape a serious crime, that politicians don't consider women capable of making the "big" decisions, and that corporations don't consider girlhood sacred, I'm thinking it's finally time to lace up the sneakers and grab my bat.

Anyone with me? Anyone?

*If "the Man" is reading this, I'm not actually advocating burning anything down. Yet. I'll let you know, though.

"Dora the Explora-Whore-A"

For those of you without a daughter to raise, the happenings in the girl's toys and entertainment world might not be the first thing on your mind. But for me, the images marketed to girls are always on my mind. And, not surprisingly, the toys that are being marketed to young girls today are more sexualized, more anorexized (is that a word?), and more vapid than ever. In other words, toy companies and children's entertainment corporations have decided to send this message to our daughters: "Be skinny! Be cute! Be sexy! And don't be too smart!" Because, you know, it's better to teach these lessons to girls when they're young enough to fully absorb them.

Ruby watches very little tv, but if she had her way, she'd be hooked up to a "Dora the Explorer" IV. She loves Dora. She reads Dora books and kisses her Dora pillowcase; she sings the Dora song and dances the Dora dance, and she's even working on her Spanish (she's a pro at "pantalones"). And for the most part, I'm comfortable with this. Dora is short ans squat. She looks like a toddler. She's brown. She's bilingual. She's fearless and adventurous and compassionate. She's not the typical scrawny, blond image that Ruby will be inundated with as soon as she gets to watch television outside of our home or walk down a toy aisle.

But unfortunately, "Dora the Explorer" is the latest fictionalized heroine to get a corporate makeover. Coming this fall will be a new, tween Dora who's got new friends, a greater focus on fashion, and according to all insiders who have seen the doll mock-up, a tiny waste, and long flowing hair that is not quite appropriate for tree-swinging, and climbing a snowy mountain with her pal Boots.

Dora will go from this: To this:

Say What?

Of course, Dora isn't the first girls' idol to be transformed from an imagination toy into a hyper-sexed version of its former self.

The My Little Pony of my youth was a chubby, stumpy-legged horse:

Today? She's got a slender build, an upturned rump, long, flirty lashes, and she looks like she's ready for something entirely unwholesome:
The Barbies I played with (who were, admittedly, little vixens) came with their own set of expectations about what a woman's body should look like. But today, girls are playing with Bratz dolls, and let's just say the lips on those dolls were not meant for whistling.

You can sign a petition to encourage Mattel and Nickelodeon (the network airing Dora episodes) to release the Dora likeness, or create a pre-teen character who is "true to who she was as a child."